Lying female

So Twitter is a bit depressing today. One of the trending hashtags at the moment is #LiesToldByFemales and, yes, it’s the misogynistic cesspool that you might expect, a vast assortment of not-very-original stereotypes about women — sorry, females — and their allegedly lying ways. The female-bashing tweeters — some of them female themselves — aren’t even terribly original in their complaints, and most of the tweets seem to be reworkings on a few very basic themes.

We have the good-old fashioned trope of the female-as-narcissist, forever obsessed with how she looks — and given to lying about how much work she puts into her appearance.

#LiesToldByFemales ill be ready in 5 mins -_-—
Ken Speaks (@SpeaksKen) March 05, 2014

Im not wearing any makeup on #LiesToldByFemales—
Stephanie P (@xstepheezyx) March 05, 2014

Then, of course, there are the cheating “females.”

#LiesToldByFemales "he's just a friend babe I promise"—
jake (@j4keh4rris) March 05, 2014

#LiesToldByFemales He is just my Brother……YEA RITE—
GQ (@ATLREPPA) March 05, 2014

And the evil, evil females who tell people they’re “fine” when they’re really not so fine at all:

#LiesToldByFemales "I'm fine"—
Steve Goff (@steveo396) March 05, 2014

But most of the Tweets — or at least the most virulent ones — seem to be devoted to not-so-good old-fashioned slut-shaming. A favorite target: the slut pretending not to be s slut:

#LiesToldByFemales I'm not a slut—
John Beauregard (@jbdangles) March 05, 2014

I'm a virgin. #LiesToldByFemales—
Ѧllâäи (@AsianBasedNigga) March 05, 2014

#LiesToldByFemales "I dont usually do this"—
Gõrg Gang Canidate (@jaleenelia) March 05, 2014

#LiesToldByFemales I've only slept with 2 guys—
Cody (@Codehhhhh) March 05, 2014

The strangest variation on this theme is the following:

#LiesToldByFemales I don't suck dick—
mahmood (@MahmoodHawa) March 05, 2014

This particular meme is, for some strange reason, quite popular; versions of it have been Tweeted dozens of times by dozens of different people since the hashtag started up yesterday.

It’s a strangely revealing complaint. There are only two scenarios in which I can imagine a man getting angry about this statement from a “female.” Either he’s angry at a woman who didn’t give him a blowjob (even though she’s allegedly given blowjobs to other men), 0r he’s angry at a woman who did give him a blowjob (even though she said she didn’t do that). Really?

In the first instance, he’s essentially announcing to the world that he’s an asshole who’s jealous that women are having sex with men other than him; in the second he’s basically showing himself to be an ungrateful asshole who never deserves to get a blowjob ever again. Either way, dude, you’re not the one who looks good here.

The one heartening sign in all this: a few intrepid souls have ventured into the swamp to subvert this noxious old meme.

"I love human mating practices, and also I am definitely not three big lizards in a trench coat" #LiesToldByFemales—
EATINGMEALS (@Eatingmeals) March 05, 2014

#LiesToldByFemales "touch the humming sphere. go on. do not wear gloves. think of your worst fear while doing so. its perfectly safe"—
egg dog (@egg_dog) March 05, 2014

I definitely care about the difference between a fedora and a trilby. Please, tell me more. #LiesToldByFemales—
Ravenna Oak (@nymphofthewoods) March 05, 2014

We read your last tweet and your father and I are so proud of you, son. #LiesToldByFemales—
L. Rence Fivvens (@LRenceFivvens) March 05, 2014

Give it a shot yourself — I have. At least if you can stand being in some pretty repulsive company.

NOTE TO LARGE CORPORATIONS: I wouldn’t recommend jumping into this particular hashtag if I were you. Might not look so good alongside some of the other Tweets. I’m looking at you, JC Penney.

#LiesToldByFemales I don't need another pair of shoes. jcp.is/MO7jrA—
JCPenney (@jcpenney) March 05, 2014

Ooh, that’s original.